So It Begins

I’ve started a new blog to record my exploits into the dieting world. If you want to follow leave me a comment here.

Perfectly Awesome Sauce

So, Ignore My Nonsensical Post Down Below

It comes from a sugar, sleep, and nourishment deprived mind.

I have to write this re-re entry paper on why I have chosen law as my professional career path. I have yet to figure out a way to say “I want to become a lawyer so I can one day take down my corrupt, re-re police department” in a professional way. What I want to say is “Napoleon is a bitchface hobag who deserves to suffer within the bowels of hell for all of eternity because he is a hypocritical, psychotic, tiny man. He is the reason I want to be a lawyer(even though I have geared my courses toward science for the past year or so but I am retarded stupid in math so a degree in science is never going to be a realistic goal anyway) because I want to rep all the normal officers for free every time they have a problem with Napoleon Bitchface. I want to make Napoleon my bitch and pee on his leg to show him who’s boss”. Of course, I cannot actually say that.

Blegh.

On a side note, I spent most of last night watching episodes of Law and Order:UK and I can honestly say I’m disappointed. It’s dumbed down and the plots are a little far-fetched at times. I hope it gets better because I will never tire of giggling when the coppers try to play bad cop on some schlub and sound so very polite the entire time they do it. They really do. But, as I have said before, you can have a British accent and suddenly be the most charming, polite and attractive person in the world, no matter what you’re saying. At least, in my eyes you will be. And yes I am a stupid American.

And speaking of the Brits…

Yeah.

Protected: I’m In A Mood

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I Have Watched This Way Too Many Times Today

But it’s still not enough. I want to go there.

I Want To Go Back To The Days Of This

After re-watching some old X-Files videos, I pine for the days I found David Duchovny insanely sexy and not slightly creepy.

This Really Needs No Title

Just admire.

Dean Stockwell was serious manmeat then and still is now. Even if Shannon is the only other person to ever agree with me

Haha

My cat, the unsinkable Molly, has just had her first contact with pepper spray. Today, I got my ass beat for about eight hours and had my yearly contact with OC spray. Fun. So, I was still covered with it when I came home. She wouldn’t leave me alone (like fucking always) and got some of it in her eye. Her poor little eyeball has been red for hours. That’ll learn her.

WHO DAT??!!!1one1!1!!!

I’m the first to admit I’m not a fan of football, unless said football involves the University of Michigan (GO BLUE!!!!! Hail, hail to Michigan!) or the University of Toledo (GO ROCKETS!!!). In fact, I’m not really a fan of any sports, the only exception being hockey (GO RED WINGS!!!1!!1!). That doesn’t stop me from partaking in a wee bit of gambling on the Super Bowl. So, I want to thank the Colts for losing and winning me 50 bucks.

Congrats New Orleans!

And, just because:

Also, who keeps going back to read my open litters to the Cusack, Comcast, and Massachusetts? I’m really hoping it’s the Cusack, Comcast, and the entire state of Massachusetts. And still, fuck you, Massachusetts.

Conversations With Google

The following takes place between…well, I really don’t know because I don’t own a watch and this isn’t fucking 24. I hate that show, by the by. How many times can Los Angeles be attacked by terrorists? And why is Jack Bauer flip-flopping between Valued Government Agent and Enemy Of The State every other hour? I seriously hate that show. It makes me want to hate Kiefer Sutherland. Then I go back to the time when he attacked the Christmas tree and I love him again. Anyway…

I was having a conversation with my sergeant on cold, lonely night. And since my life goal is to piss him off at least once every eight hour shift, I was well on my way, arguing law (which he shouldn’t be doing anyway now that I’ve been taking a shit load of law courses and I like to be that thorn in my boss’ side) and why it violates people’s civil rights every time a certain officer pulls a traffic stop and decides to run every occupant of the vehicle (especially if those occupants are minorities, but I digress) for wants and warrants (it totally does, by the way). Well, the sergeant isn’t one for listening to common sense so he just lets me go on for a while and finally begans to harp on me about the fact I’m not wearing a seatbelt. Full disclosure, the only time I don’t wear a seat belt is when I’m in a patrol vehicle. You wouldn’t either if you had to wear all the shit we do. Of course, I don’t cite people for not wearing a seatbelt because I’m not a hypocrite. And it’s their life they’re taking in their hands, so what do I care? So, sometime during this berating (and threat of writing me a ticket), the following takes place:

Me: I don’t need your insolence!

Sgt: What? Don’t make up words.

Me: The fuck? Insolence isn’t a made up word. It’s a real word. A real word used in the English language.

Sgt: (scoffs) No it isn’t.

Me: Are you retarded?

Sgt: Did you just call me retarded?

Me: No. I asked if you were retarded. Are you?

Sgt: It’s not a real word.

Me: The fuck it isn’t! Google it! ( I say this many times a night) Here! (after Googling it on my phone, I hand it over to him to read the definition)

Sgt: *crickets*

Me: Yeah. Who’s right? Me. Like ALWAYS! Punk.

It’s these little victories that bring joy to my life, by the way.